Normally we talk politics but tonight we’re going to talk about the media. I’m sick of Hillary and Barak. If you’re a political junkie like me you probably listen to the radio, read the internet and papers.
Who do you hate. Which pontificator can’t you stand and makes you want to puke. You want to pull their head off and shit down their neck. I’m talking about the press, or internet, Oprah, some regional windbag. I already know someone is thinking they’re going to call up and say they hate me. That’s fine, just give your reasons.
I like Jon Stewart on the daily show. I like Pat Buchanan. We disagree on a lot, but he’s an entertainer. I was on crossfire with Pat Buccanan close to 20 years ago and it was a big argument about putting those stickers on records. Jello was supposed to be on, but he chickened out. Anyway, Pat took it like a man. I also like Keith Olberman. There are certain people that as soon as they come on TV you want to kill them. You just loath them. I hate Glenn Beck. I watched when he first came on CNN, then I realized that Glenn Beck thought he was being funny, but he wasn’t. He thinks he’s sarcastic, but he isn’t. He thinks he’s smart and he’s not. He’s chock full of Jesus, but he’s a re-habber. People who are addicted trade their addiction for something else. I’m glad you saved your life and didn’t die in a ditch, but it doesn’t qualify you to have a TV show.
I love CNN Headline news. I used to have erratic hours. I don’t like looking at headline news and seeing a whiny, unfunny asshole. I hate Glenn Beck. That’s who I hate. I made a list of 34 other people I hate. I want you to call in. I won’t tell you.
Mason in TX
Mason – I can’t stand Nancy Grace
M – She’s number 2 on my list.
Ma – she gives 5 seconds for someone to talk before stuffing her opinion down your throat. She’d embarrass me to death if she was my mom.
M – lots of people have had hard pregnancies. She didn’t have 2 headed kids.
Ma – I can’t stand how she asks their opinions and then doesn’t give them a chance to talk
Justin in Saskatchewan
J – it is minus 20 degrees today. I can’t Dr Phil.
M – he ain’t a doctor of nothing. I can be a doctor of love. He’s a big hypocritical windbag.
J – I feel stupider for watching it. I get forced into watching it. Star Trek would be better.
M – His wife is puppet mastering Dr. Phil. I’ve been retired as a musician for the last few years. I was thinking of making a 2 song disc. Kill Starbucks and the other side of Kill Dr Phil
Tim in SC
T – I hate Hillary. She just makes me sick
M – I don’t like her either. She keeps saying how Obama isn’t ready, but she’s only been senator 4 more years than him. Bill’s time doesn’t count. Chris Rock has this great bit how if Hillary had been down there sucking his dick, none of those problems would have happened. Not only is she a fake feminist, and wrong about the war. She’s the only candidate who unites the republicans. Hillary is saying women can do anything as long as you marry the former president.
Artie in TX
A – I hate the two idiots on the midnight trucking channel on Road Dog. They’re on XM now.
M – well I’m glad we got rid of them
Mojo forgets what channel he’s on, and he hates Glenn Beck. Always talks about his rehab. I don’t have to agree with someone to like them. My producer Chris likes him on the radio. But on the TV I want to kill him and tear his head off. I could do his show better than him.
Chevy in IN
C – I hate three people. Dr Laura, Dr Ruth and Senator Larry Craig.
M – I loved it back when Dr Laura’s pictures were on the internet. It was in the pre-shaved days.
C – every caller, it is the man’s fault. With Dr Ruth, how is a 65 year-old woman going to talk to someone about sex. Viagra has to be her best friend. Craig is against gay sex and marriage and he got busted for gay sex.
M – it is always the person preaching the loudest who gets busted for it. I wrote a song about Dr Laura. She’s just as hateable as Glenn Beck, I just don’t see her on TV everyday.
Derek in NC
D – I hate Mojo Nixon on Manifold Destiny.
M – I’m full of shit. My wife says when I’m sleeping it is coming out of me then too. It is too obvious.
D – I love you on all the shows.
Dane in NC
D – I live on the line at Myrtle Beach
M – I spent a lot of time at Holden Beach. My grandma was a Holden and we had Holden Beach.
D – I hate Sue JoHanson.
M – I saw some sex talk show and got all excited. Then I saw this old prune on there.
D – The other one would be Rosie O’Donnell.
M – Does it make you mad to hear her as well as see her.
Tammy in ME
T – I hate Rachel Ray. She’s so freakin stupid I want to punch her in the face.
M – is it because she makes stuff look too easy.
T – yea, and I live in such a small town I can’t get any of the ingredients she lists.
Mojo Nixon “What’s Up Judge Judy’s Ass” Song
Some people on tv you like, some you don’t care about, then there is the other group that you hate. I hate Glenn Beck and Nancy Grace. He thinks he’s funny, but isn’t. I’ve seen funny, he isn’t it.
Don in IA
D – I first owe you an apology for not tuning into your show sooner. This is a great show. I want to put a bullet in Michael Moore’s fat gut.
M – Even if you agree with his politics, he’s still very hateable.
D – I want to put his head in a vice until he’s a pile of goo, but that’s too good. I’d have to put that on fire and then piss on it.
M – if Moore was your prison mate, would you fuck him in the ass
D – I would, and I’m the straightest son of a bitch on the planet earth. I’d rip the bars off my cell to nail him.
M – super hot woman, says she’ll fuck you if you’ll go to a Michael Moore movie or sit and watch a DVD with her.
D – I’d take her to the tallest building around, have her look over the edge and have her say “oops”.
M – that’s my kind of hate. People today don’t know how to hate. Psychotic hate has gotten more done in this country than political correctness ever has.
Mack in MI
Ma – I got to party with you back in college when I was a journalist.
M – I was full of shit then and I am now
Ma – so was I. I hate Lynn Samuels, she has the worst voice
M – I know she’s on Sirius and has a real NY accent.
Ma – yea, like a nail in the side of your head. Even if she has something to say, that would be great, but she’ll talk for 15 minutes on why she won’t wear a bra. She has no idea what’s going on. Alex Bennett too. He just sits around and says fuck all the time. I wish Sirius would get rid of both of them
M – I’m pro saying fuck. When they approached me I was working at a classic rock station in SD. The money was going to be about the same, so that wasn’t an issue. I finally said, “can I say fuck?” and he said give me an example of what you want to say, and I said “I fucking hate Rascal Flatts” and he said sure on Outlaw Country you can say you fucking hate Rascal Flatts all you want.
Ma – I’m not a big country fan, but I’m listening to Outlaw Country because of you and I’m starting to like the shit.
M – we’re turning you around.
I’ve got a few names to prime the pump. What about Lou Dobbs, Ann Coulter, Tom Novak, George Will, Dennis Miller, Man Cow. I have a story about him. Arianna Huffington, Howard Stern, Dr Phil, Jeanie Most, I like her. Bill O’Rielly, Tim Russert, Wolf Blitzer, Sean Hannity. Bill Cunningham he hired me and fired me in 3 weeks in Cincinnati.
Sue in FL
S – I have a double header, I had to vote for Ann Coulter, but when I got into the booth I had to vote for Oprah.
M – I think Ann thinks she’s being funny, but most of the time it is just mean. I always say you can say anything as long as it is the truth and as long as it is funny. What don’t you like about Oprah.
S – oh everything, Oprama. She’s the queen of everything and has a cult. I wish they’d all stick their Nike’s on and take a nap.
Eric in Chicago
E – I hate Bill O’Reilly. I’m active duty on leave from Iraq. I tried to get a feed over there. Sometimes we get it and sometimes we don’t.
M – you can get Sirius all the way over there.
E – yea, online.
M – that’s cool.
E – that piece of shit, he comes over signs some books and stays in the green zone. Why doesn’t he take his ass out to where we are out in the middle of nowhere.
M – you have to go back?
E – yea, in about a week an a half
M – you come back alive.
Comedy Break, Chris Titus
Dave in NC
D – I hate the Colon Cleanse commercial guy on late night TV.
M – I saw that infomercial once in an altered state. Is this the guy who talks about his daughter’s turds are as wide as his daughter’s arm.
D – he’s jealous of his daughter’s turds
M – yea because she has great big ones.
D – I have a runner up, the crazy weatherman on Carolina 14, a 24 hr news channel. If anyone listens there, he’s a leprechaun, 3 feet tall, red hair.
M – I can’t believe the colon cleans guy.
D – greedy white turd
M – last week we did turd talk. You missed it by a week
D – I can’t believe you’re on here. You were my first rock album (Gin Guzzlin)
M – I’m glad I read you down the wrong path. That has Elvis is Everywhere on it too and I ain’t gonna piss in no jar
Luke in IL
L – like punk rock girl
M – the dead milkmen mention me in the song. We were on the same label, Enigma. At thanksgiving they had nowhere to go, so I had them over to my house. We didn’t have any money, so what we got was 13 Hungry Man He-Man turkey pot pies and some bottles of Wild Turkey and had a wild party. And then they put me in the song.
L – I hate Tyra Banks.
M – she’s the black girl with big titties who has a talk show. I haven’t heard her speak
L – she’s fat now, it’s a waste. At least Oprah has some talent.
M – your wife makes you watch her?
L – yea. I work nights and she’s on our local station right before Maury, and he’s wonderful too.
M – my wife gets off work around 3 and she gets a double dose of Dr Phil and Oprah and it makes her happy.
L – He’s our afternoon guy. Our son who is 17 watches him. I question if he is hetero, but he still has his girlfriend. The cure of Ann Coulter is Huffington, listen to Arianna and you’ll love Coulter.
M – she’s like Arnold, you can’t lecture me if I can’t understand you. She’s speaking English as a 2nd or 3rd language. Have you caught you son jerking off to Cinemax.
L – well actually he got his girlfriend pregnant
M – oh, ok. He needs to learn how not to do that. My wife wanted to call our first kid Dartega if it was a girl.
L – I have a friend who called their daughter Seagram, because that’s what they were drinking.
David in VA
D – I can’t stand Ellen DeGeneres. She makes me want to scream.
M – are you against homosexuality
D – no, I’m a lesbian myself. She goes on about her dog, and I just don’t care.
M – one of the bad things about TV is that if you get on once, people will do whatever they can to get on again. Don’t go crying about a dog.
We’re out of time.