Special Guest this week Gibby Haynes of the Butthole Surfers.
This week we’re broadcasting from NYC.
Gibby is talking all sexy and Mojo warns him to stop talking like that or he’ll have to screw him. Not only is he a tall Texan, but he probably has some nasty dingle-berries back there.
Mojo’s known Gibby for a long time. It dates back to the 1st Ave in Minneapolis. Playing the 7th St Entry and Gibby was so high on acid that Mojo didn’t think Gibby would remember him. And then they played together a year later and Gibby said to Mojo “oh, acid makes me remember better.”
Gibby – No I didn’t say that, but the guy who ran that club, Steve McLelland, he always wore the V-neck T-shirt with a lot of chest hair, a little horn of hair used to come out above there and among the band members he was known as Hair Horn.
Mojo – you had a little name for the club owners around the country
Gibby – and he was hair horn
Mojo – yea we were there and that band from Austin was there. Zeitgeist or something. They had another name
Gibby – Zig gottis?
Mojo – yea, they had another name.
Gibby – German name is a kiss of death in show business
Mojo – and it was snowing and you were snowed in. Me and Skid were playing and you were in an altered state.
Gibby – Maybe, maybe not. Man, Skid, where the hell is Skid Roper
Mojo – Skid Roper, well I had to kill him. Too many people asked me where Skid Roper is, I got tired of it and went down there and chopped his head off and shit down his neck I had enough of people asking me about that.
Gibby – Well, he played a good little box thing
Mojo – Yea, the washboard. Mojo here with Gibby Haynes of the Butthole Surfers.
Gibby – We gonna talk politics
Mojo – well eventually, but tell us what you’ve been doing.
Gibby – Absolutely nothing. Nothing, nothing nothing a whole lot of nothing.
Mojo – You mean nothing in the morning, nothing in the evening,
Gibby - nothing at supper time?
Mojo - What, you have a woman who’s got a job or something
Gibby – Absolutely, she’s a lawyer
M – What? I knew you had a situation before, but I didn’t know you had to marry a lawyer.
G- That’s the truth brother
M – Does she wear business suits to work
G – yea except on Fridays and they do the tennis shoe thing then. But I’m going to Switzerland next week too play an experimental film festival there. And then I do all kinds of stuff. I DJ parties and go to parties I shouldn’t be attending and all that kind of stuff.
M – So you go around causing chaos and trouble
G – Basically that’s what they pay me to do. But I have lost them and can’t find them. What I have to do is find the ones that can pay.
M – what you need is some cash money?
G – yea
M – some real dollars, because you can’t be asking the wife, your lawyer wife for money all the time
G – At least health insurance, that’d be killer so I can treat my lung cancer.
M – you’ve got the lung cancer?
G – yea, I’ve got, yea I do, and a three legged cat
M – Nobody lives forever
G – Stinky has three legs
M – Now I know you, uh, I was born in 57 and I think you were also. Which means you’re about ready to be 50 ain’t it?
G – yea, sucks
M – you want some advice
G – no
M – well you’re going to get it anyway. Listen, preparation H medicated wipes
G – you know I’ve never had a problem with that
M – Yea, that’s because you’re young. I’ve had a problem with that my whole life. Get off the toilet paper. Toilet paper is cutting. You know what toilet paper is doing?
G – yea! I do know what toilet paper is doing
M- toilet paper is rubbing your ass raw, and what you need is the healing power of the preparation H medicated wipes.
G – or just a simple tucks pad will do maybe
M – yea, but you know Tucks pads are kinda small and I get a lot of shit on my hand when I use a Tux pad. So that’s why I like the medicated wipes.
G- they’re huge.
M – yea, and they cover the whole hand
G – The is Mojo Nixon and you’re listening to [gibberish]
M – We’re going to be taking your calls. If you want to talk to Gibby of the Butthole Surfers, call 866-4RAWDOG. Now Gibby, why don’t you ask me why my voice is all fucked up.
G- 866 4934 gibberish. No what’s wrong with your voice. You got the LC too? A little Lyin Cocksucker there.
M – No I got a little chest cold, but what happened is I went to see Springsteen do the rehearsal show down in Asbury Park Monday night. And I’m a giant Springsteen nut
G- you are? That’s horrible. I’m sorry to hear that
M – I know you probably think that’s uncools me about 9/10ths but in fact I was real excited. I was away from the wife and kids and had a designated driver got a fistful of money and there’s some chance that maybe we’ll meet Springsteen after the show so what do I do? I get so drunk that I vomit on my boss.
G – Awesome
M – Maybe a little splashback got on him. A little spray
G – did you really vomit on your boss?
M – you know what the problem was?
G – what job?
M – the guy who runs this show right here.
G – that’s horrible
M – Let me tell you, first off someone said “let’s get a hamburger” and I said “fuck eating” I want more drinks.
G- oh no
M – yea and then someone said
G – my wife is going to hear this and she won’t let me hang out with you
M – and then instead of taking two cold pills, I took 8 cause I thought that’s how many I needed to combat how much drinking I was going to do. Then the real killer was late in the evening I had a quadruple gin and tonic. And that’s when the trouble began. I vomited. I was sitting in my seat
G – I want to know about the cold pills, what did they say?
M – I know you want the special, all powerful knee-knocker cold pills. These were just the ordinary over the counter type.
G – Just the OC
M – yea, OC on the LC baby. Anyway, I’m sitting in the seat and I just start puking on myself and the people sitting in front of me, luckily they had stood up. So I was puking kind of on their seats and I left so they wouldn’t you know, when they went to sit down it was going to be trouble. Then I was like passed out on the pavement downstairs and some guy come up and says “ you can’t be sitting here wallowing in your own vomit” or something
G – no, this really didn’t happen
M – this really happened Monday night. So then, I, one of the things I learned being in a rock and roll band is always
G – you’re out of town. You’re visiting NY. Wife’s not here.
M – Wife’s not here, no kids, I’m excited. So I make it back to the car. Because I learned this being in the band. No matter how fucked up I got. No matter what town I was in, go find the van. It will take you to the next city and there won’t be any police there.
G – We know that’s bullshit
M – So I am literally on the ground passed out with my foot touching the car. Like I’d made it to home base. And probably laying there in the cold, drunk, in the night air by the beach probably didn’t help my chest cold any either.
G – Oh, absolutely
M – So that’s why
G – It wasn’t so bad until Monday night.
M – That’s why
G – who warmed up for what’s his name
M – Bruce, it was a rehearsal gig. That’s the thing, it was at the Asbury Park Convention center and it only holds like 1500 people
G – that’s cool
M – That’s like a secret handshake gig. I had to know a guy who knows a guy. Like I said I was all fucked up, to the highest level of fucktivity and now all week I’ve been sounding like Slingblade. I like those French fried tater tots and hmmmmm.
G – yea, you’ve got that one. That’s pretty good. Way to go man.
M – Hey if you want to call, call 866-4RAWDOG we’re going to talk politics and the Butthole Surfers. What else are we going to talk about there Gibby?
G – I don’t know, the world political situation or the war. We can go off on that war?
M – oh yea, that war thing, but lets talk t someone right now.
G – talk about frivolous lawsuits
M – lets go to Fryer in NY
Fryer in NY
Fryer – Got to say I like the voice this way a little better. Only been listening for a week. I’m a new subscriber and been bouncing around the channels and found I love your show. It’s hysterical, but I’m rarely up at this hour. But Gibby, its wonderful to have you in the studio. Big Butthole Surfers fan. All the way back to “Who’s in my room last night” was I think your first single. I believe, don’t quote me on that.
Mojo – Gibby doesn’t know. He’s shaking his head. He has no idea
Gibby – yea, that was like 10 years after the, yea but that probably was the first “single”
Mojo – it may have been the first major label single. Which begs the question, how the fuck did the Butthole Surfers get on Capitol records?
Gibby – Well, the real question is, how did we get on Disney? We were on Hollywood Records for a while. We worked for the mouse. So you’re in NY, where are you.
Fryer – well basically where VT, NY and MA all meet on the NY border side.
Mojo – That’s where the old hippies go to die
Gibby – you have any maple syrup in your fridge?
Fryer – No. Believe it or not I detest that stuff.
Gibby – really, you don’t have maple syrup?
Fryer - No I don’t. I actually like the fake Aunt Jemima stuff. I’m in the wrong area of the world for that.
Gibby – I don’t understand. You used the word fake and Aunt Jemima in the same sentence. That doesn’t make any sense.
Mojo – Going to make him sing “Shortning Bread” here in a minute.
Fryer – I just have to ask. Electriclarryland. First off. My first name is Larry
Gibby – So where’d you get your name?
Fryer – Fryer, that’s my last name.
Gibby – so what was the question
Fryer – I just want to know when you’re coming out with a new album.
Gibby – The Butthole Surfers? Aw man, I don’t know, gosh dang ball wind, heck I don’t know.
Fryer – I’m hoping for something
Gibby – Same here. I’m hoping for something.
Fryer – And also, weren’t you a quarterback for a long time?
Gibby – why not? I think I gave the guy his quarter back.
Mojo – Gibby is a big, tall, good lookin’ Texan. Don’t mess with him, he’ll kick your ass.
Fryer – it is an honor to be on the same phone line as you two.
Mojo – Thanks for being our guest on Manifold, oh I forgot the show
Gibby – Drunken Disorder…
Mojo – No it’s called, what’s it called there Gibby [holds up card]
Gibby – Lyin’ Cocksuckers, RawDog 104. What’s the deal with RawDog.
Mojo – RawDog means uncensored comedy. You know what that means.
Gibby – so that’s the station that we’re on.
Mojo – There’s two comedy channels. Nice comedy, boring comedy. And then there’s the motherfucker comedy channel.
Gibby – we’re on it.
Mojo – We’re on the motherfucking channel right now
Gibby – Damn yo. So I can tell dirty jokes, like dirty gags?
Mojo - yea, you got one all ready to go
Gibby – yea, well, I have a plethora of dirty jokes. I was fucking this chick the other day and her pussy was so funky I pulled out my dick and Rick James was on the end of it. That’s kind of dirty isn’t it. [Mojo has a coughing spell] I gotta take over. Get rid of that thing. This all happened after Monday, really?
Mojo – yea, I was giving my 13 year old son the Cannonball the other week, and he was going to football practice and I was giving him the “Don’t you pussy out on me boy, don’t be acting like no god damn pussy.” He was complaining a lot about not being able to play in the game, and he was complaining that he had a cold and couldn’t practice hard. “You get out there and kick some ass boy” But it turned out he really did have a cold. And it turns out that now I have it and its been compounded by the vomiting and sleeping outside situation in Asbury Park. Got another joke. Let’s play one of Gibby’s songs here. Get Gibby some money.
G – I wonder how much I get for this
M – you get about two hundredths of a percent of a cent or some damn thing
Butthole surfers song.
Are you spending another evening alone. Never let that happen again with bitchtalk.com
Mojo here with the fucked up voice and Gibby here with the unfucked up voice. Legendary Texas psychedelic nut job. A legend in his own behind.
We got news with the Joint Chiefs chairman Peter Pace says gay sex is immoral.
G – Going to be something about god
M – says gay sex is immoral and should be condemned in the military. We should respect the feelings of those serving in the military, but based on my upbringing this is counter to God’s law.
G – I knew it. When you bring god in it gets all screwed up. The separation of church and state is a fine thing. But if you notice those places that don’t have separation are all fucked up.
M – to the highest level of fucktivity
G – Look at Iran and Iraq and Israel. All that
M – that’s what those bible thumping conservative republicans want. To turn this into a Christian Theocracy. And they want their invisible friend to be whispering in the ear of the president.
G – what’s theocracy mean
M – means a religion based government. I got by degree in politics in college
G – Theo Ocracy. Demo Ocracy. That’s when the people demonstrate their ocracy.
M – here’s the thing. Doesn’t this guy see he’s going to say this. And he’s a murderer. HE’s a hired thug, a hitman. I remember one of god’s laws. [in unison] Thou shall not kill!
In fact, thou shall not kill motherfucker.
G – But we can’t say mgh. No we can’t say that one.
M – everyone gets all upset.
G – peter pace from outer space
M – his job is to kill people from other countries.
G – there shouldn’t be sex involved with war
M – You know where Hooker comes from. In the civil war, General Hooker had a bunch of women following him around. Shall we say the fellow travelers of the army. And part of that following was the frenzy of a circle of hookers.
G – Awesome
M – you know what these are? Odd facts known by a few. That’s my specialty.
No Phil Spector’s trial has gone to a mistrial. Have you ever met him?
G – yea out in LA. Still on Captiol. We were in the studio, my band was in one and the surviving members of the doors were in another and Fleetwood Mac was in another.
M – was that at Captiol down in the basement there?
G – no this was at the ocean way one. He was producing something there and I had the chance to tell him to fuck off. It was just natural and it just rolled off. He was trying to pick up on some chick from ICN who was there.
M – back when you had a big booking agent. Did Phil have a crazy wig on?
G – no. He didn’t have any cool hair back then. I like his hair today. It was totally. What was he thinking.
M – that they’d be afraid to put him in jail with that outfit on. Maybe no one will buttfuck me with my hair like this.
G – I don’t think he’s got to worry about it anyway
M – now do you like Spector and his music.
G – yea, uh, why not. His wall of sound. I think his Ramones record was pretty good. Hated it at the time, but heard it a few months ago and it was pretty good. He was before my time. God, an amazing thing to look at these days. So a mistrial. That mean he goes to jail with OJ. Gets a house in FL. So I guess he’s off the murder thing, but the Civil suit will nail him and he’ll have to give his house away.
M – Yea, the people’s court, the tennis court.
G – in his house, the outhouse, square house, mad house. Doing my Tommy Lee impression.
Mike in CA
Gibby makes fun of the accent
Mike – in Morello (?)
G – Aboot where’s that?
M – is it cold up there
Mike – no really be we’ve got (something) to spare, eh?
M – Americans think Canadians are just up there drinking beer, eating donuts and watching hockey and freezing your ass off the whole time. Is that true.
Mike – No, I drink beer, eat donuts and watch NASCAR
M – who do you like in Kansas City
Mike – Tony Stewart
M – I picked him way back. Gibby who do you like?
G – I’m a Gordon fan.
M – what? You’re fired. You’re off the show. Get him out of here.
G – were you watching the race with the three cars. The announcer said something about how he hopes Dale is alright. Then there’s Jr. He’s so well spoken and I saw him right after his dad died. I’m a Jr fan too.
M – somehow we turned into NASCAR here. Gordon is a robot built by Yankees to infiltrate our southern sport. Jimmy Johnson is just as bad. Jeff Gordon 2.0. 48. That’s 24 plus 24.
G – Where was the first NASCAR race. PA or FL.
M – FL. Daytona Beach
G – You sure? Or was it in PA. A lot of people try telling me that.
M – don’t be coming in here with those Yankee facts.
Rick in OR
Rick – Big fan of both you guys. I don’t give a fuck about politics. I’m supposed to be at the girly bar
G – The gurney ball?
R – The girly bar
G – ah titty bar.
M – Topless?
R – No this is Oregon. Full nude and the girls only have to be 18.
M – you know its only 14 down in VA where I grew up
G – And its full nude.
M – talking cooter cam. A clam bake
R – I’m stuck up here, and I won’t name the company I’m delivering too. They don’t give you no money for advertisement, so fuck em. I’m pissed.
M – he’s got a lack of pussy. That’s his problem.
R- if they don’t hurry up and get me out of here. Today’s payday, and I’m going to wake up in the morning with money and I’m not happy.
G – that’s a bummer. I’m going to wake up in the morning without any.
M – yea, you’ve got the lawyer wife though.
Let’s talk quickly about titty bars. You know why I don’t like them ? Because like Chris Rock said, there’s no sex in the Champaign Room. If you are going to sit me there and get my dick harder than Chinese Arithmetic, you should have a room where you can jerk me off in the back or something.
G – it’s called the bathroom . You’ve never jerked off in the bathroom of the titty bar?
M – no
G – oh man, dude
M – I will go to one when there’s a sign on the wall. Hand job $50, blow job $100, pussy $200, good pussy $500, whatever the price is.
G – they have that shit all over the place
M – I went to the wrong place?
G – You’ve got to just keep trying
Dave Chapelle ?
Spending another night alone? Try Bitchtalk.com
M – things are extra special psycho tonight thanks to Gibby Haynes of the Butthole Surfers
G – Man I forgot about that song. That’s a good song. It was “Shit Like that”. It was about complaining about stuff. But then our guitar player took it literally, use the restroom like that.
M – we were talking about God and preachers earlier. What was that TV preacher in Dallas that they put the fart sounds to.
G – I don’t watch the internet that much
M – no this was before that
G – pre-you-tube?
M – yea. There’s a preacher he’d make thes effaces about how much he loved Jesus And some guy is lke oh we can make farts sounds.
G- what I remember most is the burn victim preacher. When he cries he like projectile his tears. They shoot straight out. He’s way burned to a crisp. When he gets Jesus in him his tears shoot like a foot.
M – Man I’m a sick fuck, and you’re a double sick fuck. Alright we’ve got another guest in here with us, Eric Budke. How you doing.
Eric – I’m good.
M – Eric is the webmaster of Mojonixon.com. How long you been doing it man.
E – Um early,um late 90’s.
M – What year is this?
E – Um 2007
M – so about 10 years. I appreciate all the work you did. Let’s explain to everyone what you do
E – I have Bullethead to blame for all of this
M – yea bullethead, my manager is involved with all of this and if you go to Mojo Nixon.com you can find out all kinds of stuff. But there is also a link to a LyinCocksucker page
E – Right, but I also go fucktivity too, in case I come up with something useful for that.
M – You know I stole that from Robin Harris. He’s a dead black comedian. Fact my whole routine is an amalgamation of dead black comedians. In fact as soon as they die, I steal most of their material and just start doing it.
E – I don’t think you’re the first to do that
M – No, I don’t think so either. But if people go to mojonixon.com and click on the lyincocksucker link, you have transcribed each show.
E – Yea, currently. Since it’s been live. The older stuff
M – And you also have some tapes of some shows up there too.
E – I have tapes of the older ones. I’m not sure how much Sirius wants them up, so I’m trying not to publicize that too much.
G – I’d assume that any comedian that dies will eventually be black. So essentially all dead comedians? Aren’t we all going to be black some day?
E – Unless you get stuck in a glacier somewhere.
M – are you on something [to Gibby]. I thought you was all straightened up boy
G – fucking radio show man. Drunk mother fucker at the show the other night, puking on yourself and everything.
M – puked on myself and my boss
E – I’m hearing there was more than one boss
M – Oh yea
G – You’ve got two bosses?
M – Yea, yea yea
G – You were born with two balls.
M – I did notice one thing. The Mojo list of books and Ishmael Reed. I don’t know what damn book you had in there, but the one I’m talking about is “Mumbo Jumbo” We’re going to have to fix that. You want me to fix that for you?
E – Send me some email. You talk so damn fast I had to re-listen to that like 12 times.
M – Do you sit. I thought you had a computer program
G – What I want to know is that, do you read?
M – yea back in the day I used to read. I’m more of a TV man now. I like a video. I like a lot of channels going on at once. Do you sit there and I thought you had a program in the computer that transcribes what I say and you just print it out.
E – In the ideal world, that’d be the case.
M – That’s not what’s happening? What’s happening?
E – I sit there late at night or when it is slow at work and try typing it up while no one is looking. After the kids are asleep and my wife goes up to bed, I’m sitting down there trying to do it. I feel that I should have been typing during most of the show just so I’d be up to speed.
G – When his life goes up to bed. It’s so sad. Cause you talk a lot
M – Yea, I said I’m a sick fuck and you’re a double sick fuck, meet the triple sick fuck, right here. Transcribing my psychotic tirades.
G – Poor Eric
M – Is there trouble at home. I know your wife’s here. Do you want to come in and have a counseling session?
E – It’s the quiet time at night. The show’s interesting and I lose track of my Tivo and other late night shows I’m behind on too. [stutters} it’s transcribed but you know I enjoy these shows a little more. A little less politics, a little more bullshit.
G – Caller two sounds like Wolfman
Let’s go to Rodney in NC
Rodney – I called a while back on the Mike Vick show, You do sound kind of rough. You called General Pace a murderer, but anyone who eats a hamburger is a murderer.
M – But I meant what I said about that.
R – There’s different degrees of murder
M – except for that biblical thing, thou shall not kill.
G – There’s different degrees of murder?
E – 1st, 2nd
M – I only sort of murdered my wife
G – What’s the coolest kind of murder caller. What’s murder light? When you’re in the army and you just kind of pull the trigger.
R – yea, when just doing what you’re told.
M- where in NC are you at.
R – Just north of Ashville. Right near Bristol.
M – Now you growing weed up there in the mountains
R – No just corn and hogs
G – a lot of bridges up there in Madison County?
R – the driveways. Some rough driveways. A friend of mine wants to make a video, “The Driveways of Madison County”.
M – I’m Mojo Nixon and I sound like the Wolfman
Voodoo Agnew in Memphis
V – You owe me $500 and a crack rock. Behind Walgreens in the alley.
M – Voodoo I heard you got fired down there. Did I cause that?
V – yea. I need some money and some crack and it sounds like you’ve been smoking all my rocks
M – My daddy always said, that boy could fuck up a one man rock fight. I’m sorry I got you fired.
V – That’s alright. Just wire me the money and send it courtesy of alley 3 behind the Walgreens. Just make it out to Voodoo Agnew.
Butthole Surfers – I hate My job song
M – There’s old Gibby Rotten
G – Man I rocked. With an ED at the end of rock, bummer
M – My voice is all fucked up
G – Your voice sounds the same that it ever has what are you talking about. There’s no difference between now and then.
Season in AK
Susan – It’s Susan.
G – you’ve got girls listening to your show
M – you’ve got Z-Man taking calls in NY. He’s part of the crew that can fuck up a one man rock fight.
S – It wasn’t his fault. He’s innocent. I’m from Arkansas, I’m country, I’m driving with my windows down.
G – What does that mean, where you’re driving with your windows down?
S – it turned cool here for 15 minutes
G- so you just rolled down the windows?
S – Had my moon roof open and the wind. So he was getting wind noise.
M – Arkansas is like the land of opportunity
S – Arkansas sucks
G – What do you have a 75 cutlass? What do you have with a moon roof in it?
S – an expedition. Soccer-mom car.
M – Do your kids know you’re listening to Lyin’ Cocksuckers
S – No kids. Normally I’m in bed, but I was watching my Memphis Tigers get beat, but I love you guys
M – thanks. Normally my voice doesn’t sound this bad.
S – I think it sounds great.
G – So do I.
M – Does it sound a little sexy Susan?
S – Absolutely
M – sounds like my doo-dads are hanging down by my knees.
S – Are you “The” Mojo Nixon
M – yes, I wrote Elvis is Everywhere. I wrote a song called “ Gonna Tie My Pecker to My Leg”
S – I was married to a blues singer in Memphis when I was doing my graduate work at the University
G – yea I remember that.
S – he was a huge fan of yours so I learned to be the same
M – a lot of women come to Mojo shows and their real duty is just to drive the drunk guy home. They drive the drunk fat guy home who’s lost his mind about halfway through the show.
G – Designated wife
S – Did you miss the irony of this guy railing against gay sex and his name is Peter.
G – I don’t think that was lost on anyone. Peter Face was his name
M – Peter O’Tool
G- oh that’d be Richard.
S – I’m a counselor
G – For who
M – We need a lot of help
S – These guys who, like Peter who are all against the gays
G – they be gays
S – they’re also repressing some stuff themselves.
M – a bunch of guys together in a barrack and no women around. They have on those tighty-whitey shorts. In England they called it Rum Sodomy in the Rash.
G – In England they’re not ashamed of it.
M – They’re proud of their buggering. Gibby thanks for coming in. Is there a site to buy your stuff. Any way to whoredog your stuff.
G – No, no avenues.
M – you’re going over to Switzerland. Get those foreign fuckers to give you some money.
G – Come to the underground film festival and put your thing in the doohickey.
M – Thank Eric for coming on. Transcribing these shows. The poor boy should probably be in a mental hospital, or at least a counselor should be talking to him or something
G – I can’t believe he does that. That’s amazing.
M – and I want to thank the Z-man for producing here in NY. And I want to thank God for giving me this fucked up voice. My goal when I started as a musician was to be an old black man. Well we’re getting closer every day. [coughing attack]
G – As far as I can tell, you will be black some day. No matter what
M – See you next week.